Refund Policy

GENERAL REFUND TERMS

At Marquey AI, we stand behind our product with absolute confidence. Which is why we offer a comprehensive refund policy designed to protect your investment in revolutionary strategy technology that may or may not exist in physical reality.

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ELIGIBILITY FOR REFUNDS

You may be eligible for a full refund if:

• The Service fails to generate a strategy in the promised 47 seconds (excluding leap seconds, daylight saving adjustments, and temporal anomalies specific to April 1st)

• The Market Domination Engine does not result in actual market domination within 12-18 months

• The Competitor Hijack Mapping feature leads to your competitors hijacking you instead

• You discover that the Service was announced on April Fool's Day and have genuine emotional distress

• Our proprietary frameworks turn out to be "proprietary" in the sense that they exist primarily in marketing materials

• You can prove, beyond reasonable doubt, that AI cannot actually replace three years of strategic expertise with 60 seconds of computation

REFUND REQUEST PROCESS

To request a refund, please:

1. Submit a formal request to refunds@marquey.com with the subject line "I Should Have Checked The Calendar"

2. Provide documentation of your purchase, including transaction ID, payment confirmation, and a brief explanation of why you believed a ₹99,999 AI strategy engine launching on April 1st was legitimate

3. Wait 6-8 weeks for processing, or 47 seconds if we apply our proprietary Time Compression Framework

4. Accept our sincere apologies for creating such a convincing fake product launch

NON-REFUNDABLE ITEMS

The following are non-refundable:

• Time spent reading the landing page

• Emotional investment in the belief that strategy could be automated

• The realization that you fell for an April Fool's prank

• Any damage to professional pride from sharing this with colleagues before reading the fine print

• Hope that marketing strategy could be solved with a single SaaS purchase

EXCEPTIONS

No refunds will be issued if:

• You purchased on April 1st and failed to notice the date

• You read the Terms & Conditions (Section 17: April Fool's Disclosure) and proceeded anyway

• You ignored the footer text: "Performance not guaranteed on April 1st"

• You are actually an AI trying to purchase access to another AI

• You lack a fundamental sense of humor about well-executed marketing stunts

PROCESSING TIME

Refund requests will be processed within:

• 47 seconds (if we built the refund system with the same efficiency as our fictional AI)

• 6-8 weeks (if we use traditional human processing)

• Never (if you're requesting a refund for a product that doesn't exist)

REFUND METHOD

Refunds will be issued via:

• Original payment method

• Store credit for future Marquey services (the real ones)

• A sincere acknowledgment that you were successfully pranked

• An invitation to discuss actual strategic consulting services that take longer than 47 seconds but produce real results

PARTIAL REFUNDS

We do not offer partial refunds. It's all or nothing. Much like this product—it's either completely real or completely fictional. We'll let you decide which.

SUBSCRIPTION CANCELLATIONS

You may cancel your annual subscription at any time by:

• Realizing the product doesn't exist

• Checking today's date

• Reading literally any part of our Terms & Conditions

• Acknowledging that revolutionary AI breakthroughs are rarely announced via landing pages on April 1st

SATISFACTION GUARANTEE

We guarantee you will be satisfied with this refund policy, primarily because:

• You cannot get a refund for something you never actually purchased

• The satisfaction comes from appreciating the craftsmanship of the prank

• You now have a healthy skepticism about AI marketing claims

• You recognize that Marquey is a real agency with a sense of humor

CONTACT FOR REFUND REQUESTS

Email: ai@marquey.com
Subject Line: "I Want My Money Back For The Fake AI"
Expected Response Time: Approximately 47 seconds of laughter, followed by a genuine conversation about real strategy services

FINAL NOTES

IMPORTANT DISCLOSURE:

No payments have been collected. No product exists. No refunds are necessary. This is an April Fool's campaign designed to demonstrate that:

1. Great marketing can make anything sound believable

2. Real strategy cannot be automated (yet)

3. Marquey understands positioning, persuasion, and creative execution

4. You should probably check the date before making major SaaS purchases

If you enjoyed this experience and want to discuss real strategic consulting services—the kind that take weeks, not seconds, and actually work—we'd love to talk.

Happy April Fool's Day.

Marquey — We automate nothing. We think about everything.