Terms & Conditions

1. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS
By accessing or using Marquey AI ("the Service"), you agree to be bound by these Terms of Service. If you do not agree to these terms, please do not use the Service. We reserve the right to modify these terms at any time, particularly on days of significance in the Gregorian calendar.

2. SERVICE DESCRIPTION
Marquey AI is a strategic planning engine that generates growth strategies, market analyses, and execution frameworks. The Service applies proprietary algorithms trained on real consulting engagements to produce strategic recommendations in approximately 47 seconds, give or take 47 years depending on market conditions and temporal anomalies.

3. USER ELIGIBILITY
You must be at least 18 years old and capable of entering into legally binding contracts. You must also possess a healthy sense of humor and the ability to distinguish between revolutionary technology and elaborate pranks, especially between March 31 and April 2 of any given year.

4. ACCURACY OF OUTPUT
While Marquey AI is trained on 247 real client engagements and 8,900 hours of strategic work, we make no guarantees that:

• Generated strategies will lead to market domination

• Competitors will actually be "hijacked"

• Trust velocity will exceed the speed of light

• Any strategy generated on April 1st will be implementable in physical reality

• The Service will function as described outside of hypothetical scenarios

5. PRICING & REFUNDS
Early Access Pricing: ₹99,999/year for the first 100 users
Standard Pricing: ₹1,99,999/year thereafter
Refund Policy: All sales are final. No refunds, especially if you realize the product doesn't exist. Particularly no refunds on April Fool's Day.

6. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY
All proprietary frameworks, including but not limited to Market Domination Engine, Competitor Hijack Mapping, Trust Velocity Framework, and Creative Systems Architecture, are the intellectual property of Marquey. These frameworks may or may not exist in tangible form. Schrödinger's frameworks, if you will.

7. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY
Marquey AI and its creators shall not be liable for:

• Strategies that result in market failure

• Emotional distress caused by believing this was real

• Time spent reading these terms and conditions

• Disappointment upon discovering the Service launch coincides with April Fool's Day

• Any loss of faith in revolutionary AI marketing claims

8. DATA PRIVACY
We take your privacy seriously. Any information you provide during early access registration will be treated with the utmost care and may or may not be stored in our highly secure, potentially fictional database. We will never sell your data to third parties, primarily because we haven't built the infrastructure to collect it yet.

9. SERVICE AVAILABILITY
We guarantee 47-second strategy generation times, except when we don't. The Service may experience downtime, particularly on days when it doesn't actually exist. We are committed to 99.9% uptime, measured against an undefined timeline in an alternate universe where this product is real.

10. ACCEPTABLE USE
You agree not to:

• Attempt to reverse-engineer our proprietary frameworks (they're very well hidden)

• Use the Service to replace actual strategic thinking entirely

• Take any output generated on April 1st seriously

• Sue us for creating an elaborate marketing stunt

• Miss the irony of an agency creating fake AI to prove human strategy still matters

11. TERMINATION
We reserve the right to terminate your access to the Service at any time, for any reason, including but not limited to: discovering you lack a sense of humor, filing a complaint that our AI product announced on April 1st doesn't work, or attempting to hold us to these terms in a court of law.

12. DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES
THE SERVICE IS PROVIDED "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF ACTUAL EXISTENCE, FUNCTIONALITY, OR ABILITY TO REPLACE THREE YEARS OF MARKETING EXPERTISE WITH 47 SECONDS OF COMPUTATION.

13. GOVERNING LAW
These terms shall be governed by the laws of common sense, good humor, and the understanding that April Fool's Day is a day for playful deception. Any disputes shall be resolved through laughter, acknowledgment of a well-executed prank, and mutual respect for creative marketing.

14. SEVERABILITY
If any provision of these terms is found to be unenforceable or ridiculous (spoiler: they all are), the remaining provisions shall continue in full force and effect, or they won't, because none of this is real.

15. ENTIRE AGREEMENT
These Terms of Service constitute the entire agreement between you and Marquey regarding your use of a Service that launches on April 1st and should probably be taken with a grain of salt.

16. CONTACT INFORMATION
For questions about these terms, or to express your appreciation for a well-crafted April Fool's campaign, contact us at:
ai@marquey.com

17. ACKNOWLEDGMENT
By clicking "Request Early Access," you acknowledge that:

• You have read these terms in their entirety

• You understand that today's date is April 1st

• You appreciate the effort that went into creating a hyper-realistic fake product launch

• You recognize that real strategy still requires human expertise, judgment, and time

• Marquey is, in fact, a real agency that builds real strategies—just not in 47 seconds

APRIL FOOL'S DISCLOSURE
Marquey AI is a fictional product created for April Fool's Day 2026. No AI engine exists that can replace strategic thinking, market intelligence, or the nuanced judgment required for high-stakes marketing decisions.
What is real: Marquey's three years of experience building growth strategies for hospitals, political campaigns, and high-trust brands. What remains true: great strategy takes time, expertise, and deep understanding of your market.
If you were intrigued by this concept, let's talk about what real strategic partnership looks like.

Happy April Fool's Day.
Marquey — Strategy, systematized. (The old-fashioned way.)